I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
