I just pynch a tree in the face
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
