she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Less talking, more tequila
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
