i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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