Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I believe in your delicious
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
