Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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