It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
