i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
