White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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