the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
