Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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