Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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