the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
