Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
