Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
high people should be assigned attendants
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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