Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
