I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
