I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
