I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
