just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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