im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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