I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
