I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
