You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My bed smells like the plague
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