i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
