I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
