I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
