Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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