??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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