I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
