The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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