Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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