Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
