is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
