all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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