Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
