i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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