I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
