Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
