thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
