Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
