That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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