i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again