Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
