I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.