please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.