I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him