yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.