why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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