if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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