I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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