His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
