Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
