Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
