Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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