First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
