I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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