not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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