do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
