i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When are your genitals available?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
