My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
