I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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