he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
