dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
