The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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