I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
