His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
