I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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