Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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