Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize