dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
