'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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